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Am I A Pedophile With/Or is it POCD??

2021.12.07 02:25 QuietAd474 Am I A Pedophile With/Or is it POCD??

I am shaking and terrified of the thought of being a pedophile. And I want an honestly opinion. So I'll be detailed and start from the beginning.
I'm 15 year old female. I experienced sexual assault at the age of 4/5 my half brother would make me perform oral on him.
Regarding this I've read a lot about abused becoming abusers. Could this be the case with me? Morally I would NEVER hurt a child the thought of ruining there life's and traumatizing them for my own gain is something I never want to do.
But I've started to think I was a pedophile because I found loli hentai arousing.. I also find myself watching porn where the female actresses have a small stature.
Then I put a fantasy age on her like "she's 12 and being fvcked"
That's horrible. And disgusting. But I got aroused by it.. Can't I just be normal?? Is there a way to stop those thoughts? Dose that mean I'm a pedophile?
I started looking into POCD as well. And found that I do all of these things. So could I be a pedophile that's terrified of being a pedophile?? Can that happen???
These are the Common questions I've seen:

  1. Are you terrorized with unwanted thoughts that you may be attracted to kids? (Yes)
  2. Do you assess your groinal response while looking at underage individuals or when you are in the same physical space as kids? For example, thinking things like “Do I feel more aroused by an attractive woman than this 8-year-old? Am I sexually aroused right now?” (yes)
  3. Are you avoiding places where kids may congregate such as parks, museums and zoos out of a fear of being physically aroused by children? (Yes)
  4. Have you done an Internet search for pedophilia and attempted to compare what you are reading to your current experience? For example, thinking things like “Pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent children. What if this isn’t pOCD and I’m actually just a pedophile?”
  5. Do you scan your sexual history for signs that may represent inappropriate behavior? For example, “When I was 10 I grabbed my sister’s butt. Does this mean I’m a sexual deviant? What about when I was 15 and thought a 13-year-old was attractive? Is this proof that I am attracted to 13-year-olds?” (yes)
  6. Are you putting off having kids out of a fear that you may act sexually inappropriate towards them? For example, thinking things like “I can not bring a child into this world if I am a risk to them. How can I even date someone knowing that I may be a pedophile?” (yes)
  7. In addition to immense anxiety, do you also feel overwhelming shame that you are having these thoughts? (Yes)
8 Have you chosen to watch pornography that clearly does not contain someone who is underage or abstained from pornography/any sexual behavior altogether? For example, thinking things like “Pedophiles watch child porn. I better watch something that is as far away from child porn as possible. Maybe I will cut out masturbation altogether so that these thoughts won’t come up.” (yes)
  1. Are you worried that others may think you are a pedophile? (Yes)
The fact I do all of these things is what confusing me.. My intrusive thoughts that get me off are pedofilic. But I'm terrified of the idea of being one..
Like I go out of my way to avoid children and when I find that I'm watching something thats weird like small porn stars like I said before or loli stuff I try to watch something else..
I know for a fact that I will never want to hurt a child as I know how horrible the feeling is to be sexually abused.. But just having these thoughts makes me disgusted with myself.. What do I do?
submitted by QuietAd474 to TooAfraidToAsk [link] [comments]


2021.12.07 02:25 httpsbenny About Pine Creek...

Has anyone here played the homebrew game Pine Creek? I don't want to sound cynical but I'm wondering if I got a bootleg rom or something even though I unfortunately paid for it. It was marketed as a kind of mystery game centered around ritual sacrifices. I've been playing for a few hours and I'm wondering if anybody else thinks it's hot garbage. Not to be too rough on it but if I pay for a game I would like there to be a little more fun and a lot less random references, political affiliations, and weird racial slurs being hurled at your character. Thoughts?
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2021.12.07 02:25 ShortAlgo $L Trading on the 30 minute chart since June. 81% profitability with a Profit Factor of 14.75

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2021.12.07 02:25 Alive_Pop_4845 [H]10 usd razergold [W] 60 myr razer gold

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2021.12.07 02:25 TheReal_DirtyDan Trouble with SD card for Canon M50

Hi all.
As the title says, I recently got a new Canon M50. Bought an SD card for it (Sandisk ultra plus 128 GB, 130 MB/s, SCXD V10, 10 C) and it will not import any footage to my PC via cable.
I did use the wifi settings and while it did work with 1 video, it just took far to long and my battery died before it got to the second.
Any advice on new SD cards? I currently also use 2 Sony a6000’s with sandisk ultra plus 64GB, 80MB/s, SCXD V10 , 10C cards and they import all my videos just fine.
I’ve been researching all night and just can’t seem to find any conclusions so you are my last resort. Thanks a lot!
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2021.12.07 02:25 March_Explorer [冬菇亭]蝴蝶邨冬菇亭 Butterfly Estate Mushroom Pavillion

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2021.12.07 02:25 blusblu Donde llevar a alguien que no conoce Córdoba

Holaaa bellos, esa semana viene una amiga de Buenos Aires a visitarme, el tema es que nunca vino a Córdoba y quiseira darle una buena experiencia.
Conversando con ella dije que iríamos a un río, pero me dijo que tiene miedo y no se mete, que únicamente mar, pileta o cascada, la verdad que me descompuso un poco eso porque mis mejores momentos acá fueran junto a algún río jajaja, pero bueno tengo que respetar su decisión.
Que podemos hacer? Acepto todo tipo de info, bares restaurantes, boliches, parques, lo que sea..
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2021.12.07 02:25 Kaedientes I (19F) don't know how to tell my best friend (19F) that I have a boyfriend

For context, I (19f) have been best friends with "Pia" (19f) for over three years now. We first met online because of a game we play and now we've been inseparable ever since, living in the same state and occasionally meeting up. We text each other online every day.
Recently, I got really lucky in love and have started dating my wonderful boyfriend (22)! We've been going out for a bit over a week now and I've never been so happy! I've told everyone about him.... Everyone except Pia.
Pia is very distrusting of men and when I told her I had my first kiss earlier this year, she was extremely negative about it, telling me that I should've been more careful, especially because the boy (different from bf) I kissed wasn't even close to me at the time. I'm also a yumejoshi (in love with a fictional character) so I don't want her to think that I've fallen out of love with my favourite even though I'm equally in love, even more in love, with my bf too.
How should I tell her? I don't want to keep this a secret but then I don't wanna lose Pia's friendship either. Any advice is appreciated!
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2021.12.07 02:25 ContentForager2 🔗 Are your slicers talking to each other? High time they do! ❤️ (/r/PowerBI)

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2021.12.07 02:25 AlphaZorn24 hi

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2021.12.07 02:25 sismohoy Sismo de 4.6 en Japon este 7 de Diciembre

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2021.12.07 02:25 Vegetable-Baker-3467 This is a repost

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2021.12.07 02:25 Gloomy_Diver_6236 Anyone else ready to see the "reels" trend die?

I am seeing them popping up on my FB a thr time and I am filled with a deep sense of embarrassment. I guess they are sending me reels of Moms because they know I'm a Mom too but I am SO. FREAKING. EMBARASSED. watching them.
All the smugn self righteous looks, paired with the shoulder shrugs, pointing to words that explain why they are so incredible along with the little dances just make me want to crawl under a blanket. WHY are we like this?? How is this considered acceptable and not at all humiliating? I don't get it. I can't watch. I usually don't but sometimes something pops up and I'm like WHYYYYY. Is this what other Moms are like?? I don't get out much. I think ill just stay home lol 😬
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2021.12.07 02:25 Some_Cardiologist_34 Replacement?

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2021.12.07 02:25 ghostfacedhonda What’s your experience coming off cold Turkey

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2021.12.07 02:25 theLTwJ For those who said dxxm 2 was a total flop

Here are the numbers! D2 performed better than any scar album dating back to immxrtalisatixn. DR is at 3.7M streams atm but it only just came out so we'll leave that out. Considering the album was leaked weeks before release and fucked it up in a lot of ways, I'd say it did pretty damn good for him to make more streams than the previous 3 albums he's made, look at things from a positive perspective :)
DXXM 2 STREAMS - 21,195,139 FV STREAMS - 16,359,023 SCARHXURS STREAMS - 17,247,363 ATV1 STREAMS - 16,298,327 IMMXRTALISATIXN STREAMS - 31,597,989
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